Confessions of a Male Nurse
From the people who brought you the bestselling Confessions of a GP.From stampeding nudes to inebriated teenagers, young nurse Michael Alexander never really knew what he was getting himself into. But now, sixteen years since he was first launched into his nursing career – as the only man in a gynaecology ward – he’s pretty much dealt with everything: Body parts that come off in his hands; Teenagers with phantom pregnancies; Doctors unable to tell the difference between their left and right; Violent drunks; Singing relatives; Sexism; . . . and a whole lot of nudity.Confessions of a Male Nurse is a touching, shocking and frequently hilarious account of one man’s life in nursing.
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MICHAEL ALEXANDER
Confessions of a Male Nurse
The Friday Project
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
This edition published by The Friday Project in 2012
Text copyright © Michael Alexander
Michael Alexander asserts the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks.
HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication
Source ISBN: 9780007469543
Ebook Edition © June 2012 ISBN: 9780007467044
Version: 2018-08-06
The stories described in this book follow my progression from an inexperienced nurse to a relatively effective professional. To protect confidentiality, some parts are fictionalised, and all places and names are changed, but nonetheless they remain an honest reflection of my experience working as a male nurse over the past 16 years â surprising as that might come to be!
For my wife and kids
Contents
Copyright
Disclaimer
Dedication
Who am I?
Introduction
I
Slippery beginnings
Sharonâs law
The scapegoat
This little piggy
II
A glimmer of hope
Whoâs to blame?
The meaning of teamwork
Big man, big heart
Beware of toilet
Heartless
Making a difference
Helpless, but thatâs okay
Golden years
The veteran
Dr Baker
III
London calling
Filling in
The ego
Bad news, good porn
Magic medicine
A different world
Highs and lows of temp nursing
Mrs Olsen
MRSA where?
Deep shit
Tough love
How hospitals kill
Gotta get out of this place
IV
Reality check
Spotter
Mr Townsend
Danâs demons
Mr Brown
Food for thought
Catherine, meet your new neighbours
V
Family man of steel
Dumb as they come
Donât believe all you read
Confidential dilemmas
The perfect match
No chance
Saturday night shift
Full moon
Russell
All for a plate of sandwiches
VI
The nice drunk
The regular drunk
The unconscious drunk
The lucky drunk
The mean drunk
The changed drunk
The final draught
Epilogue: Reflections on a life of nursing
The dos and donâts of being a patient
The big difference
How we do it
The best of the NHS
Where am I now?
Acknowledgements
About the Author
About the Publisher
I am just your everyday, run-of-the-mill nurse, with a unique story to tell. Okay, unique is not quite accurate; anyone that spends time working in healthcare has their own uniquely similar stories. Every day we come into contact with people from all walks of life, from the destitute to the wealthy, the young to the elderly, simple to genius, cruel to caring.
Though I never planned on being a nurse, caring for others was in my blood: my great-grandfather was a medic through two world wars, and my mother was also a nurse. Medicine provided them with a living, and so at the wholesome age of 17 I figured it would be good enough for me; nursing meant a guaranteed job. Little did I know that nursing would prove to be so much more than just a way to make a living.
Now, 16 years on, Iâm still working in healthcare. I wouldnât be if I didnât like caring for others, but Iâm only now realising that nursing isnât just about what I can do for others; nursing is also good for me. Everyone likes that warm feeling they get when they help someone. Well, I really like it, and especially when Iâve done that little bit extra.
Looking after others is all Iâve ever known. Iâve seen people in all states of health, both mentally and physically, and I have come to the conclusion that our bodies themselves are the greatest equalising factors in our inglorious existence. Now, I want to show you what itâs like, what it takes, and what really goes on in the front line of the caring profession.
