Not My Idea of Heaven
Those who had not discovered our truth had Satan in their hearts. We lived amongst them, but not with them, 'in the world, but not of the world'. We were special.We were the disciples of the Fellowship.When she was a child, Lindsey Rosa's every waking moment was governed by the rules of an extreme separatist sect. It controlled what she wore and what she ate; it forbade her to listen to music, to cut her hair, to watch television, to use a computer. The Fellowship said her family was special. Why would she believe otherwise?Then, when Lindsey was seven, her elder brother was caught listening to music and the family were expelled from the sect. But Lindsey's parents knew nothing but the ways of the Fellowship, so they remained in hope that they would be accepted and continued to make the family live by the sect's strict rules - cutting themselves off from their local community.But as Lindsey grew, so too did her awareness of a world outside. And, feeling increasingly isolated, she struggled with her own identity. Until finally she was faced with a devastating choice: to continue to live by the rules of the religious sect or to be brutally cast out and leave the family she loved behind forever.
Читать Not My Idea of Heaven онлайн беплатно
LINDSEY ROSA
Not my idea of heaven
The inspiring story of a young woman who
broke free from a strict religious sect to find to find her own voice
I dedicate this book to my gorgeous children, Nina and Stanley; to Tom whose love has made my life worth living; to my brother who has never wavered in his support of me.
Contents
Preface
Chapter 1 - How Ever Did it Come to This?
Chapter 2 - Welcome to My World
Chapter 3 - One Size Fits All
Chapter 4 - The Carpenter, the Dreamer, the Romantic and Me
Chapter 5 - Motherly Love
Chapter 6 - The Ministry
Chapter 7 - School of Thought
Chapter 8 - Trouble with the Neighbours
Chapter 9 - Bound by the Rules
Chapter 10 - After Being Shut Up
Chapter 11 - The Move
Chapter 12 - Secondary Education
Chapter 13 - Coming of Age
Chapter 14 - Feeling the Strain
Chapter 15 - Reading Matters
Chapter 16 - Tailor Me, Dummy
Chapter 17 - Seafood
Chapter 18 - Camping in Gurnsey
Chapter 19 - Changing Appetites
Chapter 20 - Original Thin
Chapter 21 - Jekyll And Hyde
Chapter 22 - I Can’t Do It On My Own
Chapter 23 - So Near And Yet So Far
Chapter 24 - A Clinical Decision
Chapter 25 - Leaving Mum
Chapter 26 - Naming My Change
Chapter 27 - The Truce
Chapter 28 - Another New Life
Chapter 29 - Day Tripping
Chapter 30 - Becoming Worldly
Chapter 31 - Pleased to Meet Me
Chapter 32 - Big Girl in a Short Skirt
Chapter 33 - Living in Sin
Chapter 34 - The Baby Belly
Chapter 35 - Don’t I Want You, Baby?
Chapter 36 - Unfinished Business
Chapter 37 - And Then It Was Gone
Chapter 38 - Playing by the Rules
Chapter 39 - My Brother and Tom
Chapter 40 - Testing Times
Chapter 41 - Sister and Brother
Chapter 42 - Off the Peg
Chapter 43 - Don’t Turn Your Back on Me
Chapter 44 - Full Circle
Afterword
Acknowledgements
Copyright
About the Publisher
Preface
The world, as we understand it, exists in our minds. The problem is, we all think differently. To some people, the world I grew up in is perfectly normal. To them, it is right, and the way the rest of the people in the world live is wrong.
How you see it depends on which side of the fence you are standing.
I was born on the wrong side of the fence. This book is about my journey from one side to the other, and how I had to leave my family behind.
Although this is a true account of my life, I have changed the names of those involved to respect their privacy as much as possible.
Chapter One
How Ever Did it Come to This?
My weight halved in a matter of months. The winter dragged by while I crouched against the radiator. I pressed my back into its heat until my skin burned. I sipped continuously from a mug of black coffee, willing the inky liquid to warm my bony body. Mum knelt in front of me, pleading, ‘Please eat.’ At last, desperate, she pushed crumbs of food into my mouth. I sealed my lips and turned my head away. Then the hunger came. I ate until I could eat no more. My belly, full of food, stretched and swelled, and I became consumed by rage. I used my fists to thump my face and jaw bone. So I sat on my hands while Mum fed me.
I became the prisoner of my mind. I listened carefully to its wild rants and became obedient to its command of weight loss. I purged my body of the pollutant, picking at my teeth to remove every last trace of food. But I wanted to be well, to be normal. How ever did it come to this?
Chapter Two
Welcome to My World
I sat in the Welfare office on the hard plastic chair behind the door. The windowless room was hot and I felt my sweaty legs sticking to the seat. The Asian boys messed around in the corner, scuffling with each other. I kept my head down and pretended to read my book. I didn’t want anyone talking to me. It was embarrassing having to be there.
Through the open door I could hear the sound of my friends singing hymns in assembly. They were Christian hymns but I didn’t recognize any of the tunes or the words. I just wanted to be with the other children, but neither their prayers nor their songs were approved by God. In my head I sang the words to a hymn that I knew would be.
Jesus bids us shine,With a pure, clear light,Like a little candle,Burning in the nightIn this world of darkness,
So let us shine –
You in your small corner,And I in mine.
It comforted me. On rare occasions Mum would sit at the piano and ask me what songs I wanted her to play. I’d always pick ‘Jesus Bids Us Shine’ and ‘Away in a Manger’. I stood by her elbow while she banged away at the keys and we sang together.
When the assembly was over, the Welfare lady sent us back to our classrooms to join in with the lessons. I could forget that I was different for a while, until the time for lunch came around. It was wrong to eat or drink with sinners. So I ate mine at home.
When I was old enough to read I was given a Bible. Not just any old bible: this one had my initials on the front, embossed in gold lettering. ‘L.R.M.’ The leather cover smelled expensive, not like the books Mum picked up from charity shops. This one was special.
I’d seen bibles at school, but I knew this one was different. On the first page was the name J. N. Darby. ‘What does “Translated by …” mean?’ I asked Mum.
